Stumptown 2007
Lessons from the Convention Floor
Stumptown, September 2007
1. Never Fly Alone
Having to totally close up your table just because you need to heed the call of nature really puts a cramp in your style. That and people are gonna steal your stuff, so get a buddy. Well, that and so you can actually see the show, too. I was able to get out for all of about forty minutes to take in the show.
2. The Limits of Electricity
So here I was with a neat little Quicktime movie to show and a creaky old laptop that only had battery power for about two hours at any given time. I brought an extension cord, but not long enough, and not small enough to keep itself from being a tripping hazard. So, no multimedia blitzkrieg for me.
3. Eat a Hearty Breakfast (corollary: bring antacid)
Buffet breakfasts are great bang for the buck, as I learned in college, but man, can they be murder on the digestive tract.
4. Bring a Tablecloth
White vinyl is never in style. I saw some really neat patterned tablecloths being deployed by a number of artists, which were both functional (vinyl makes me sweat something fierce) and easy on the eyes. Now, do I go for basic black or something like a calico given the Western theme in MURDER MOON?
5. Dress Appropriately (‘cause it’s cold like a banker’s grave)
I brought a jacket. I left it in the room. And you know, I’m not a little guy who’s got to work to maintain core temperature. I can hold onto my heat, but not in the face of industrial air conditioning. Of course, they fired up the heat on the second day, so layering is a good counter-strategy.
6. Ya Gotta Watch ‘Em Like a Hawk
It says “One Buck” on the cover. Right there. You’d think that plainly stating the price would keep people from walking off with your ashcans. You’d probably be wrong.
7. Enunciate Muthafugga.
Public speaking is not one of my strong points. When you mush words together, people tend to forget your name, title of your work, etcetera. Speak directly into the microphone, sir, and the world will be your oyster.
8. I Gotta Get Me One of Those (Paul’s Rig)
Paul Guinan had a sweet little setup for his signage. It all fit in a shoulder-slingable cylinder, stood proudly and was easy to see across the room. I will get one of those. It looks just ever so much more classy than the PVC-framed signs I’ve seen.
9. Smile, You Big Sourpuss
Nobody likes a sourpuss. They think it’s catching.
10. Cross-Sell, Lieber’s Right Down There
And Lieber’s famous, so they actually want to get his signature. Though I had more than one person spontaneously ask me to sign the MURDER MOON ashcans I was flogging. But I gotta work on that signature; it’s just so…uninteresting.
11. Did You Bring Water, Chump?
Well, did ya? If not, then it’s a buck fifty for water you could have had bought for fifty cents at the convenience store last night.
12. My Magic Is Invisible
When you’re surrounded by cartoonists, most people seem to assume that you, too, you, that guy selling comics, can draw. I cannot. I understand my limitations, and unlike Hal Holbrook in THE ENFORCER, know how to work within them. I suppose I could offer to write out script passages in my stellar longhand or something.
13. Brett Warnock Knows Good Lettering
No, really. He does.
14. Hipsters Wake Up Late
And when your show is going to be attended largely by hipsters, things might take awhile to start. Saturday didn’t get rolling until noon or so. Sunday didn’t take off until almost two.
15. People Will Poach Your Artists w/o a Second Thought
Someone, who seemed to be from a small comics company whose name I recognized, looked over the ashcan of MURDER MOON and nodded sagely, saying “Good art. Is he here today?” And I could see the predatory gleam in the guy’s eye. Authors, protect your artists. Be their best friend (unless they’re late, in which case, call their mothers if you have to), but don’t give them away.
16. I Have Seen More Waxed Moustaches Today Than in a Year
No, really. I saw a couple at the airport and at least two at the show. I don’t think I’d seen any since SDCC, and that was just a single aberration in an otherwise stable flock of neatly-trimmed moustaches, goatees or Van Dykes.
17. Bring Small, Non-Sequential Bills
You’re selling stuff, so you can make change right? Oh? So you’re off to the bank then, are you? Luckily I made that realization on Friday night before the show.
18. Your Lanyard Always Faces the Wrong Way
I wonder how they make it do that. Is it some kind of wonder ink that seeks out body heat? Maybe a smart material in the cord of the lanyard. Whatever it is, it’s good. Damn good.
19. Evidently, Pork-Pies and Fedoras are Fashionable (corollary: don’t wear one with a leather jacket; corollary: or with a feather in it.)
Really, gentlemen (and ladies.) Fedoras go nicely with a suit coat, particularly a double-breasted. They don’t go with jeans. They don’t go with unkempt black trenchcoats or leather jackets. And they most certainly don’t go with feathers. Please stop doing that, or I’m going to have to call Blackwell on you.
20. Indy is Benevolent
You remember that I had an issue with power cabling? Well Indy, the guy who Makes Things Happen, got me a spot with more electricity than I could use in a lifetime. Thanks, Indy! The show goes on because of you!
21. Librarians Are Cool
Or maybe it’s just Northwestern Librarians in urbane urban settings. Either way, they’re cool. They’ve got graphic novels and even minicomics out for checkout. That’s just beyond awesome.
22. Sometimes, Being Parked Next to a Crowd-Drawing-Retailer Isn’t.
Mike from Bridge City Comics is a damn nice guy. It’s not his fault that his half-off graphic novels and fifty-cent bins drew a mass of people that clogged the hallway with a human logjam. But it did make it hard for people to casually glance over my table and see the awesome stuff that I’d brought for sale.
23. Portland Rocks the Utili-Kilt
Now I know why Jeff Parker was inspired to have Hank McCoy wear one recently. Portland is riddled with the darn things.
24. People Love Any Old Free Thing
They really do.
25. Steve Says: “Always Be Closing.”
About 4:30 PM the first day, I ended up burning out a bit and staring at a fixed point in the middle distance, not unlike desert travelers out in the sun for too long. But Steve Lieber was right there to bring me back in time to make a sale.
26. I Cannot Smile on Command
That much is true. But I can be surprisingly social when the moment calls for it. However, I still seem to clam up pretty tight when there’s a large party involved. I blame the medication. But really, don’t try to stage me in a picture and expect me to smile. Just can’t do it.
27. I Am Going to Make a Big, Big Sign That Says: “Cowboys and Werewolves.”
You bet I am. People would stop by the booth for a lot of reasons, whether it be the gorgeous cover or the intriguing typography or the enticing trailer. But what really got their eyes to light up were those three little words: “Cowboys and Werewolves.” The fast pitch is the best. Yeah, it discards subtlety and laughs at nuance, but it is very good at getting people’s attention. Now, will it work on retailers? It seemed to work on the three who I talked to in person.
Encounters with the Awesome.
1. Salt and Pepper Tofu is awesome.
I eat tofu on occasion. It’s tolerable. Good in hot and sour soup. But there’s always the niggling “Chew on me, I’m good for you” feeling. But Salt and Pepper tofu that’s been lightly breaded and fried? Yeah, I could hurt myself on that.
2. Cosmic Monkey Comics is awesome.
It’s the kind of store I’d be in a lot of time. If I had a lot of time to be in comics stores, and had time to drive to them. Open aisles, places to sit, great art on the walls, fun design, non-dungeon-esque, a wide variety of things to choose from and a well-stocked children’s comics rack (featuring the utterly indispensable GUMBY by Bob Burden and Rick Geary: “Please tell me that they’re selling this as an all-ages book,” said Sarah as she read issue #2, with Gumby as a golem and the spirit of Johnny Cash. Yes, Sarah, they’re selling this to kids, as they should.)
3. Carla Speed McNeil? Awesome.
Yup, yup.
4. Portland has too many options for good food. And books. And Coffee.
I mean, geez, there was a caravan of food trailers right across the street from Periscope Studios that I could have spent a week eating three meals a day from and not have to repeat restaurants or ethnic derivations. I stayed the hell away from Powell’s, because I know that my suitcase wouldn’t take the strain. And generic hotel coffee is better than the coffee shop coffee near me.
5. Periscope Studios is filled with crazy good art/ists.
And it’s in a cool old building. Though, truthfully, I’m not sure how much work I could get done in a studio environment. But it’d be a great place to be a guest artist in for short periods of time. And hey, I even got to teach Steve some of my secret Photoshop hax. Kirby, Hernandez, Al Williamson and others all representing on the studio walls and priceless reference volumes out in easy reach of anyone. Paradise? Perhaps not, but maybe as close as we’re going to get on earth.
Brushes with Suckitude
Thankfully few. But the joker who left the alarm set on 5:30 am better pray that I never find them. Oh, and I lost my ATM card, but I’m not seeing fraudulent charges being racked up. Yet.