Highway 62

2) Hydration.
San Diego in July can be warm. Not hot like most everywhere else, but warm and sticky. Particularly in the convention center, which gets ten degrees hotter and thirty percent more humid than the surrounding environment. All those sweaty comics fans in an enclosed area makes for a jungle-like atmosphere that can take it out of even the most hardened veteran. If you want to be sure, carry your own water. The drinking fountains on the floor are being used by people who are carrying god only knows what kind of germs and vendor water is going to cost you three bucks a bottle. Not to mention that most fountains dispense water that’s just a couple degrees cooler than your (already-elevated) body temperature. If the company is footing the bill, then feel free to live it up and buy all the dihydrogen oxide you can fit in your satchel.

3) Booze.
Comics creators, for some reason, are often celebrated boozehounds. While I enjoy a cold margarita from time to time, as well as a taste of the scotch or a particularly fine stout, I’m nowhere in their league. DO NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to out drink your favorite creator. Stronger men (and women) than you have tried, only to find themselves face down in puddles of indeterminate origin (see warning about shoes above, and consider application to outerwear as well). For the love of all that is good and holy, don’t pay inflated Gaslamp prices for hooch. Buy your own bottles and find a suitable environment to share, as nobody likes a hooch hog. Also keep in mind that hangover avoidance is a matter of hydration (general rule of thumb being two glasses of water for every beer/equivalent serving). You may end up spendig the night in the WC, but it’ll only be a minute or two at a time and not for the duration of the evening.

Please note that I don’t condone such behavior, but only offer the above in the interest of public safety.

4) Food.
Hmm. Food really should be before booze, but this is the way my mind works when it comes to describing the con.

There are a number of perfectly wonderful restaurants within walking distance of the convention center. Do not pay inflated captive audience prices for a hot dog and a bag of chips that will only eat through your stomach lining in a matter of hours causing you indigestion-related nightmares until your dying day. It’s not worth it. For those with the means, find a nice sit-down restaurant and take a load off your feet (particularly if the boss is paying). I recommend Bandar on 4th Street (Persian cuisine) for those with a taste for the semi-exotic or Rei do Gado (a Brazilian steakhouse/buffet on 4th street as well.) If you’re looking for cheaper fare, try the food court at Horton Plaza (an easy walk for even the most exhausted con attendee) where you can get just about anything for under ten bucks. And if you can wander further out from the convention center area, anything ending in “Berto’s” is going to be pretty solid Mexican food (and I do mean solid, you’ll feel it for hours after consumption).

My personal recommendation is to get a good breakfast with a mix of protein for staying power and carbs for an immediate boost. Omlettes are ideal for this, though sadly I can’t recommend breakfast joints downtown, but there are some good ones about twenty minutes north of the convention center by car. If you eat a solid breakfast, it’ll last you until dinner (or a late snack at any rate), preventing the heartbreak of missed panels because of rumbling stomachs or declining blood sugar levels. Then you’ll be good and hungry for all those pitch/dinner meetings that you’ve got lined up.

Smart, cheap folks keep a stash of something like trail mix in their packs. That and a bottle of water will go a long way to keeping you alive until dinner. If you go the coke and chips route, more power to you. You’ll need it.

And let’s not forget the con away from the con, aka the Ralph’s supermarket on Second street. I think it’s Second street, anyways. If you want to pay non-usurious prices for the basic necessities of life, then get thyself there. You’ll probably spot pods of con-people there, availing themselves of the bounty offered. Though be warned, waiting for a deli sandwich there can be an ordeal, but buying the raw materials will get you in and out in moments.

5) Etiquette.
I wish I didn’t have to even talk about this, but I feel that I must. Don’t follow your favorite creator into the restroom (even if they happen to share your gender assignment.) I guarantee that is nothing but asking for trouble. Don’t bring a back-breaking stack of books to your favorite creator in order to show your devotion to their work. Choose wisely. What one book of theirs would you grab if your house were on fire? Then take that one. Remember, there’s a fine line between impressive devoted and scary obsessed.

Don’t tell your favorite artist how to sketch the thing that you just asked for. And if they don’t want to draw it, then deal. If they want to draw something else and you’re getting it for free, then you don’t really have a leg to stand on, do you? You might even get something wild and crazy and UNEXPECTED. Oh wait, there’s that word again…

Finally, though really I should talk a little more about this, you really need to be considerate of the other folks in line waiting to talk with their idol. If there’s a big ‘ol queue behind you, don’t hammer out minutae when it comes to your favorite character or monopolize the creator’s time otherwise.

And asking a person to sign any part of your anatomy is JUST PLAIN WRONG. There are no exceptions. Not even for Chip Zdarsky.

But I hear that Dwight Albatross will do anything for a quarter.

6) Carts.
If you have to carry enough stuff that you need a cart, I strenuously suggest that you reassert your priorities. Put the Heroclix Galactus back. Make a trip to your car, but please don’t clog the hallways for everybody else with your satan-spawned luggage carrier of the damned. Get a backpack. Show some restraint. Don’t make that third trip past the swag table. If you get something cool that you don’t want crushed, then you better take it to a safe place because if I don’t crush it, someone else will. I will make an exception for baby carriages that are used in a prudent and conscientious fashion (particularly since I might be one of those guys on Thursday), but if I find that the baby in the carriage is a doll dressed up like a baby so that you can get a little more carrying capacity, then heaven help you because things will get ugly.

7) Costumes.
If the costume you want to wear significantly changes your profile or juts out in uncomfortable ways, be prepared to pay the price for it. And I don’t mean the snickers of those who don’t Get It or the adulation of those who do. I mean that you’re going for a walk with fifty thousand other people and some of them aren’t going to care that you spent the last three weeks on your costume and may indeed not throw themselves out of the way when you walk the aisle. Maybe so at other conventions, but this is San Diego, and there’s no room for mercy. No quarter will be given, so don’t ask for it.

9) Transport.
You WILL NOT be able to park in the Convention Center parking lot. Get used to it. Unless you have an exhibitor badge, you’re not getting in. That leaves a few options. There’s plenty of parking in the Gaslamp Quarter itself, and throughout downtown (and downtown doesn’t begin and end with the Gaslamp), but it will cost you a pretty penny. Things were particularly bad last year, since the construction on Petco Park (how I hate that name) was sprawling everywhere and the new parking structure wasn’t done. I hear that it’ll be open this year, but will probably cost you more than ten bucks to park in (fifteen is my guess). It is close, though.

If you don’t mind walking some, you can get deals (but on Saturday and Sunday those will be hard to find) by parking out in the East Village and the like. What I actually recommend is that you park in one of the park and ride lots that’s serviced by the San Diego Trolley (Old Town is a good one if you get there early) and then take the trolley to the Convention Center. It’ll take some time, but your feet will be better rested and your wallet will be all the fatter for it.

I’ve never taken a city bus, so I can’t comment on their usefulness. There will always be taxis near the convention center, but they’ll cost a pretty penny. Pedicabs will ply their trade and you might even be able to get a deal (plus the bonus street-level tour). Pick your driver carefully.

10) Plan carefully.
Looking over the schedule, there’s a few overlapping/conflicting events that I actually want to attend. That’s rare. Be sure to prioritize. The same can be applied to merchandise hunting, too. Most movie merch doesn’t interest me, but give me a quarter bin and I could be lost for days.

11) Lines.
Figure out which ones are worth standing in. This is all time that you can’t get back, folks. The con runs for four days. Sounds like a lot, but when you’re in the middle of it, it goes pretty darn fast.

12) Lighten up.
It’s only a convention. Have fun. Don’t look so stressed out. Romp through the quarter bins, crack a joke with the guys at the DC booth (only make sure it’s funny first), mock your favorite online personalities and take comfort in the fact that no matter how geeky you are, there’s always someone geekier.

Even if you can’t tell on the outside.

No idea what’s coming for next week. It’s a SURPRISE.