Rhetorical?
Bear with me, folks. My daughter got me up at 4am and I just haven’t been right since. Too bad that this is the day that I have to write my column, isn’t it? Oh well. Can’t win ‘em all.
So this week we’re going to get something a little different. Both sleep-deprived and caffeine-fueled, my mind begins to wander, and I find myself asking questions. Questions, sadly, that I can only ask of a brain-fried internet commentator. But sometimes that just isn’t enough. So I’m going to ask you, my audience.
Some of these are rhetorical, some not so much so. Let’s start, shall we?
1) Why is there no Marvel Essentials volume for Adam Warlock? All the work before Jim Starlin took over, plus the first Warlock story (really, the only one in my book) would just fit. It needs to happen.
2) Do we really need a Madrox the Multiple Man book? Not even a limited series, but a monthly book? Did someone lose a bet?
3) Who really buys 9 Batman books a month? That’s an average of seven bucks a week on Batman books. How can all of those possibly work together in anything but a horrifically tangled mess? My hat’s off to the editor(s) there.
4) Why does putting a MATURE READERS warning on a book cut its audience by nearly half when most of the readers buying comics are already mature? I just don’t get that. Are they afraid of the F-word or what?
5) Why can’t DC get a Doom Patrol trade out already?
6) Instead of variant cover books, why don’t they make variant dialogue books?
7) Why aren’t more people reading Sleeper? Gawd, the numbers on that book just depress the holy hell out of me.
8) How could Jack Kirby pencil four books a month for a stretch (not to mention plot them) while other artists can’t be bothered to get an issue out in a month or two?
9) Why is Steve Gerber not more widely appreciated? Gah! The man’s a writing fiend, people! Howard the Duck is the best Marvel Essentials volume.
10) Where the hell is the collected Defenders while I’m at it…
11) Why is 90% of the direct market afraid of black and white books? Black and white is beautiful.
12) Am I the only person here who thinks that Ronin is a stronger work than Dark Knight Returns? Or am I just insane? I know, that’s two questions…
13) Exactly how many stores are there in the direct market? And how many of those just order out of the first four sections of Previews?
14) Okay, what exactly did happen in the last issue of The Invisibles anyways? I could follow Flex Mentallo like it was a map, but I got totally lost on that last bit of The Invisibles. Maybe I’m just dumb.
15) What’s the big deal with Michael Turner? He draws leggy women and people love it. Draws a million covers a month, it seems, all flexy and stuff.
16) Why would anyone buy a second copy of a comic they already own just to get a second cover? Didn’t make sense ten years ago and it sure as hell doesn’t make any more sense today.
17) Why do people get all bunched up about continuity, anyways?
18) Why is it so much fun to tweak those folks’ noses?
19) How come folks can’t take a joke? Geez, no sense of humor…
20) Why isn’t Bryan Talbot’s name bandied about in the same breath as authors like Alan Moore or Neil Gaiman? The universe just ain’t fair sometimes.
21) What happened to Metoxo the Lava Man? I’m still waiting.
22) What are the odds of seeing a Thor Essentials volume 2 by the end of the year?
23) Ditto for Dr. Strange.
24) Why can’t fans understand that comic characters (like any fictional characters) are fundamentally not real and can’t be held to standards of human reason? Particularly in the case of the “Why can’t Batman just kill the Joker and be done with it? Guy can’t see things through. Bet he needs to dress in diapers and get dominated to bust a nut.” They’re not real. Get over it.
25) Why are typical fans totally enthused about rewarmed characters and concepts by great creators, but otherwise said creator’s output?
26) Are we really just buying habitual serial fiction or does it just happen that the serial fiction we read is habitual? There is a difference. I think.
Like I said. Caffeine-addled. Probably shouldn’t be allowed near a keyboard. But there ya have it. A little slice of what’s been running through my brain comics wise in the last 18 hours or so.
I really need to get me some sleep.
Next week, folks. Hopefully some Strangeways news by then, but I’m not holding my breath. Neither should you.