2004 Resolutions
Hmm. So it’s the end of the old year. In theory, this column will be going up on the first day of 2004 (assuming that the BF staff aren’t out like regular humans and having a good time, as opposed to myself who’s just as likely to be bouncing a baby and trying to stay awake.) What do folks write about at the end of the old year, anyways? This is my first new years with an actual writing gig, so the dilemma has never ocurred to me before.
Oh, I know. New Year’s resolutions. That sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it? A chance at self-examination and an opportunity for improvement and new achievement based upon shedding old bad habits and adopting new ones. Sure, it’s a little easy, but cut me some slack. I got something like six hours of sleep last night, in three two-hour-long chunks. I’m lucky that I can remember my name and that the first comic I ever read was an issue of Kamandi…
But, as someone pointed out to me, choosing resolutions for yourself isn’t any fun. Much more entertaining is picking resolutions for other people, don’t you think? Let’s begin.
Marvel Comics
I hereby resolve to abolish the practice of no overprinting, which I recognize is nothing more than an attempt to artificially inflate demand for my products, and one which forces the bulk of the risk onto my biggest customer, the retailer. By placing the onus of financial burden on them, I have undercut their ability to take chances on other lines of stock, whether they be my own or that of any of my competitors.
Wow. That felt great! It seems as if a giant burden has been lifted off of my chest and I can breathe again. Let’s try another.
DC Comics
I hereby resolve not to steal any more talent from our biggest competitors, even though they still outrank us on dollars and volume on a monthly basis (though those rats still insist on double-shipping a ton of titles a month, which really weighs things in their favor.) No more can we be accused of using the resources of our Corporate Masters to create a black hole of talent, drawing all artistry unto us.
Whew! That took some guts. Let’s go for something a little tougher.
The Superhero Book
I resolve to blow off the grim and gritty. No longer will I be seduced by black leather, kevlar and political allegory. Instead, I will embrace the whole of imagination and emotion and remind readers why superhero fiction was so intoxicating in the first place. No longer will the rush of the adolescent power fantasy suffice. Instead I will offer mad fantasy and towering epics that are powered by muscular imagination where humans can indeed fly and monsters indeed save a world that fears them.
Okay. That was a bit scary. I’d forgotten how much I’d come to depend on a sure “real-world” makeover to bring folks back.
Vertigo
I hereby resolve to bring Grant Morrison back into the fold and… Oh wait, I already did that.
Comics Messageboards
I hereby resolve to become a bastion of reasoned and enlightened discussion, one that might become a shared world and… Oh who am I kidding? That’d take more power than resides in the known universe. Oh well, business as usual.
Shonen Jump Boosters
I hereby resolve to remember that the lion’s share of Shonen Jump are sold on newsstands (and on newsstands, if you’re only returning fifty-five percent of your run, you’re doing GREAT).
Manga Detractors
I hereby resolve to ask my retailer to point me towards one piece of manga that will not make my head explode. I know that it can be done, can’t it? (In my case, I’ll be picking up Cinderalla, heh.)
The Ultimate Universe
I hereby resolve, for the space of at least one month, to offer up something besides a reimagination of a treasured Marvel character, no how matter how much it hurts.
James Sime of The Isotope Lounge
I hereby resolve to open locations in San Diego, Los Angeles and New York City. That and have myself cloned so that I can offer the same leadership and inspiration to all of my shops. Failing that, another year of the same infectious enthusiasm for the medium.
Comics Readers
I hereby resolve to find a new title to try every single month, whether it is no more than picking up that copy of Conan or flicking through the trade collection of Sleeper, or even snagging a copy of Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen. For advanced readers, I suggest picking up something in black and white like Age of Bronze or Prison Funnies. I’m the only one who can give the new creators a chance, and that’s a responsibility that cannot be taken lightly.
Whew. Well, I hope you found that as liberating an act as I did. I feel as if anything is possible, as if the united powers of the readership of this great medium is finally on the verge of a breakthrough into a new age. Either that or the sleep deprivation is finally kicking in.
Next week, people.